Outraged as I was by Dairy Milk's previous primate effort (largely for it's debasing of the mighty Philip Collins). On the flip side it did bring his phenomenal Greatest Hits into the top 10, it's rightful place, so let's call it even.
This is their 3rd effort. By which I mean the third advert concocted by focus groups all located in Hoxton Sq. who gather late at night to perform a hipster-rain dance until a suitably wacky idea falls from the great tree of trends.
I know endless video posts are tiresome, but you just have to trust me on this one.
Through various sources (pals, Channel U, the interweb) some weeks just seem to bombard me with fine examples of the kind of music that is broadly described as "Urban". Which is media talk for hip-hop, grime or garage, or any music where there are more black people than white people in the videos.
These four vids cover all aspects of the "Urban" musical spectrum, but in their dichotomy I hope you can understand why I am an unashamed fanboy.
Joell Ortiz - Hip-Hop
Lovely back to basics, B.I.G-style affirmation of what it means to be "hip-hop" or "real". Aka a useful cultural compass for suburban whiteboys like myself, to gauge how to roll. Day in and day out.
Craig David - Where's Your Love (feat Tynchy Stryder and some buff girl)
UK Garage's first superstar Craig has finally (thank God) realised that he was best when he was twinned with some upstarts bubbling up from the underground. Glad to have you back Craig.
The Game ft Neyo - Cameraphone
Shiny and glossy as you like, this is big-budget, glossy hip-hop at it's best. A collaboration between two well known faces, the rough - Game (tattooed of face) with the smooth - Neyo (cheesy of grin). Chalk and cheese collaborate to perform a sublime bout of musical jousting over a girl, based upon which of their respective faces she has as the screensaver on her phone. Classic
Imperial Squad - Just a Link
From the stars straight back to the gutter. This is the kind of video/track that was filmed/produced with much less than what it cost to pay for The Game's bodyguard for one day. A charming low-end tale of the strife involved in explaining to a sket that her only purpose is to service you sexually. Tell me about it.
Ken Clarke, a charismatic maverick of the old-school, has returned to front bench politics today. A breath of fresh air from a less-manicured/focus grouped age. A reassuring economic heavyweight far bigger and bolder than his spin-obsessed contemporaries. A rosy cheeked, cigar chomping, birdwatcher. Whose combination of straight talking and good humour evinces the perfect balance of attributes for a politician: 1 part village cricket team umpire, 1 part distinguished paternal figure, 1 part convivial party host.
If there's one thing I love, it's a coming-of-age film. Ooh the warm embrace of nostalgia, life lessons being learned, tough love, brotherly love, "gee I love you guys"... "you're alright LaRusso" that kind of shit.
But it's rare to find a film within that genre that feels as fresh and unique as this one. By choosing four "cutters" (high school graduates who haven't progressed to college) writer director Peter Yates perfectly hones four characters who embody the isolation of being 19 years old. Four guys who didn't go to college, living in a town that revolves around the manicured lawns and shiny stadia of the local college. This is the summer of their self discovery. Self discovery through....cycling
Yeah that's right cycling.
This is Yates' other stroke of genius. By choosing something as inherently European and un-All-American as cycling Yates sidesteps a host football/baseball/basketball/cheerleader based cliches.
Don't worry the cliches are all still in there, it's just the cycling takes the edge off. And seeing as loads of berks are obsessed with fixed wheel bikes etc. it wouldn't surprise me if this film had a little resurgence. Anyway I'm writing this to say I got there first hipsters, so fuck you! I've loved this film since day.
Over the course of one long hot summer (the likes of which only ever appear in these films) the lads while away the days by escaping to swim in the abandoned quarry and ponder their collective hopes and dreams. An eye-achingly buff Dennis Quaid comes to terms with the fact he might never leave the small town, or be the star quarterback he believes he could be. While Daniel Stern (aka the Sticky Bandit that wasn't Joe Pesci) steals the show playing the lonely goofball Cyril with all the best lines:
"Going to college must do something to girl's tits I swear"
Anyone who critiques anything on the planet, obviously thinly veils the steaming pile of personal judgements and biases they have for that particular subject matter/genre/person/hairstyle etc. But I wouldn't dream of doing any such thing in this case. I'm happy to fess up:
THIS FILM SPEAKS TO ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL COS I DIDNT GO UNIVERCITY JUST LIKE THESE CARROTERS IN THE FILM.
But seriously, on a more universal tip, this film successfully captures the feeling of being 19, and suddenly having big choices land on your plate, uninvited. Choices that never really go away; they just get less daunting. To feel like like everyone else has a plan, where you've just got a few mates, oh, and cycling.
The best thing about shame is...in order to have any kind of fall from grace, you need a certain amount of grace to begin with. I hope that one day I too shall sail so high in the sky, that it would take a hilarious (but no doubt deeply depressing) fall to bring me back to earth with a dull thud.
A few days ago I watched "Kane". Otherwise known as Citizen Kane, to people who aren't wankers. A movie so elevated from it's cinematic peers that it barely recognises land dwelling creatures of any sort. It belongs to that exclusive close knit club of mono-abbreviated films "Shawshank", "2001", "Flubber" et al that don't even need their full titles to reverberate with greatness.
What did I think of the film? Pretty bloody marvelous. And how my awe was-struck that much deeper on finding out that Welles was only 25 when he wrote/directed/starred in the film. That officially gives me 1 year 7 months and 18 days to write a magnum opus to better what is commonly perceived to be greatest film of all time. This weight of personal expectation hung over me this weekend like some kind of creative guillotine. Mocking my blog, and my paltry acting "turns". But thanks to my good friend Joe @ Things done changed
that woe is no longer. As he let me know about a dose of shame so potent it would make Paul Gadd feel relieved.
As I said at the beginning, in order to have a fall from grace, you need some grace to begin with. And we all know (despite the stifled protestations of a few misty eyed glam-rock enthusiasts) Gary Glitter was a bit of a one trick pony. Whereas Orson, oh Orson! Where to begin? . If the average human is a Kraft slice then Orson is a festering ripe Camembert oozing with writing, acting potency from every pore. A monstrous behemoth of a talent, who went on to become merely a monstrous behemoth.
1."With determination and application anything is possible"
This took a year and a half to painstakingly piece together, and acts as a perfect illustration of the kind of hard graft and perseverance I am determined to apply to my next twelve months.
2."Dare to dream big...really big"
Yup, another time honoured lesson in not believing the "hype" - and by "hype" I mean:" hilarious interweb codswallop".
3."Stress relief is essential to maximising productivity"
My wellbeing over the festive period has been dramatically improved by the Birdsong DAB channel. Bizarre how one 20 minute loop of wildlife soundtrack can pimp my life, but it might have something to do with the proximity of the house I grew up in to the local park. Do tune in if you fancy some soothing birdsong, interspersed with the odd whinnying horse...blissss.
4. "Persevere and eventually recognition will follow"
These lads have been banging away at the same old schtick for yonks, and fair play to them. Living, breathing, award-toting proof that "if it aint broke..."
5. "If in doubt - Get Ripped"
Why should 09 be different when it comes to taking my lead from the world of Hip-Hop and UK G (mainly UK G)? I'm still recovering from the moment when Dr.Dre walked out at the 2007 VMA's looking like he'd been pumped full of sausage meat BAM! So maybe 09 is my year for "doing a Craig David" and getting completely unnecessarily, neck bulgingly ripped just for the hell of it.
Ken Clarke, a charismatic maverick of the old-school, has returned to front bench politics today. A breath of fresh air from a less-manicured/focus grouped age. A reassuring economic heavyweight far bigger and bolder than his spin-obsessed contemporaries. A rosy cheeked, cigar chomping, birdwatcher. Whose combination of straight talking and good humour evinces the perfect balance of attributes for a politician: 1 part village cricket team umpire, 1 part distinguished paternal figure, 1 part convivial party host. 
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